First Sunday of Advent 2017
Note: This year, I am participating in this online Advent called Keep Watch With Me and will occasionally post some of my reflections. The prompt is at the beginning of the post and the scripture and author is at the end.
Writing Prompt: As you begin this Advent journey, take a moment and consider what has drawn you to greater intentionality in this season. What in you is asking for more attention, time? What are you called to Keep Watch over in yourself and the world? Write or sketch some thoughts, setting your intention for this inner work of keeping watch with and for God among us this Advent. Keep this reflection as a reminder through the coming weeks.  For the last several years, life has felt like it is passing me by. At times, it feels like I’m a child sitting on a train that is speeding down the tracks as I watch everything going on outside. Control of my life, body, energy has become elusive. Dreams fade away as I concentrate on the more mundane details that were previously taken for granted like, “If I eat, how sick will I get? Is it worth the risk? How long will I pay for it?” or “If I push that cart, what kind of pain will it trigger?” or “If I go to this with my friends, will I need to spend the next week in bed?” There are a myriad of questions like this that run through my head daily. My husband often asks me, “What would you do if we had ___?” or “What is your next big dream?” He’s a dreamer. Nothing gets him going like talking about his dreams. When I was younger, I had many dreams and goals and, more often than not, achieved them. Each time he asks me about my dreams, I morosely tell him that I dream much smaller now. No longer are my dreams that of traveling to remote places in the world, earning promotion after promotion until I’m in the C-suite, or running a non-profit that will make the world a better place. This isn’t to say I don’t have flashes of those dreams anymore but the doldrums of life for the last several years has prevented me from focusing on anything but the basics of keeping this body functioning. In some sense, I’m hoping to focus on intentionality more this season as a way of stealing a sliver of my soul back to myself.
Growing up, neither my church nor my family practiced Advent. Over the last couple of years, as I’ve learned more about it, I have had a lot of curiosity about it and even excitement. However, given my state of health, I never was able to follow through with it. Today, at one-month post op, there is a tempered optimism about my future. I don’t know how long before the next shoe drops and more than likely it will drop, but I’d like to claim a little bit of my mind, body, and soul in the interim.
 My soul has been neglected for a time longer than I’m comfortable with. My husband often talks about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. There are 5 levels to it with the first containing your physiological needs such as food, water, sleep, etc. The 2nd level deals with your safety needs such as security, employment, resources, and so forth. The 3rd is love & belonging. The 4th is Esteem which contains confidence, achievement, respect, etc with the 4th being Self Actualization (morality, problem solving, lack of prejudice, etc). The idea is the first level until you have met those needs. You can’t gain full self-confidence and achievement without first having friendships and familial relationships. Often, it feels like I am stuck at the first level - just dealing with the physiological needs and therefore never able to move upwards. Many things in my life have suffered as a result of it, my soul being one. 
At this point, I think I’m being called to Keep Watch over my soul in order to prepare it for greater things one day. I still have buried dreams which I hope to uncover some day. As I watch what is going on in the world, my heart breaks and my soul cries. As I listen to those who are different than me and who have different experiences than I have had, I know deep down I must find a way to encourage others to listen and open their hearts. After all, we are all in this together.
----------------------------
|
Comments
Post a Comment